i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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