college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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