i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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