she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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