My friends, they love my intelligence
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Fuck appropriateness.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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