I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
