miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
