And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
