I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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