i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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