So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
