Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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