I am puke
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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