I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize