This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
