I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
