Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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