i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize