i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
