Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Randomize
