My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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