I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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