i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize