i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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