I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
