I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
