I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
