i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
