My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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