i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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