i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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