is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
