i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
