But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
