i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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