Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize