considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
