Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't notice because vodka
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
