I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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