he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
