he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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