What did we do last night that was yellow?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
