Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
