The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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