I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
