Slut skills are useful in every country.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
