A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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