youre lurking in front of me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
