my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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