I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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