Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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