I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
