did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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