i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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