you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
