Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
