i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
