her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
