We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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