You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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