Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
