You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
