Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
