Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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