i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
