I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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