I just saw a hot homeless man
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
