I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
