i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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