I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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