No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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